she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
