As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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