omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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