tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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