Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
