Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
