I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
