What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
