My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
