Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
