I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
