No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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