kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
