guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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