There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
