Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize