You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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