watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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