Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
