Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
