Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
