The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
