please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
