i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
