You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
