I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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