Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
