I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
