Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
