I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
