btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize