Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
