you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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