Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
