Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
