apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
