ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
