Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Someone signed my nipple.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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