Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
