i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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