can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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