After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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