I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
