I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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