u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
