I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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