Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
