i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
