im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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