I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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