I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
