Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
