Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
is it fun? or sober?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
