took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
