What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
