dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize