I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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