Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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