I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just pee around me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
