my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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