I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
