so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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