I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
