Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
