she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
