You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
