don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
