we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
