the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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