i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
