I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
