it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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