I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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