dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
