Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
