i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a search helicopter?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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