No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
