Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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