so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The Olympian is in my bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
