o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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